Koans — Path For Enlightenment Or Why So Serious?

I may be believer in Buddhism but it doesn’t mean that I meditate and chant in a cave somewhere for 16 hours a day. I’m more like that “Laughing Shaolin Monk” that people remember from the Saturday Wushu (Kungfu) movies on TV. He was never serious and he always had fun and enjoyed practical jokes. Senior Buddhist monks use Koans as a training method for acolytes. The acolytes are ask to interpret the meaning of the koans. Just for fun I will list some of my favorite Koans and my answers to them.

Here we go:

1. Shuzan held out his short staff and said, “If you call this a short staff, you oppose its reality. If you do not call it a short staff, you ignore the fact. Now what do you wish to call this?”

Answer: “It’s A Fricking Piece Of Wood!”

2. When you can do nothing, what can you do?

Answer: “Drink Beer!”

3. What is the sound of one hand clapping?

Answer: “Gasping, Screaming And Shouts Of Who Cut The Cheese?”

4. Zen Master Unmon said: “The world is vast and wide. Why do you put on your robes at the sound of a bell?”