Member-only story
Christmas Shopping
Satire Goes With Everything
I lie to myself every year. Perhaps it’s more of a resolution that I fail to keep. I make a yearly vow to complete all my Christmas shopping by the beginning of December. But it doesn’t happen. You know it happens to you too!
Parking takes an hour. You must drive your chariot in endless circles until a parking space appears. At times, it becomes a game of chicken as you and another battle by trying to drive into the same space at the same time. The driver with the seemingly most hate-filled face wins by intimidating the other driver. It helps if you think of your ride as the “Millenium Falcon,” you don’t care about bumps and scrapes.
Once you enter the “Emerald City” otherwise known as the mall, you’ll have to again travel in a circular path laden with Oompa Loompas (kids, teens), Orcs (battle harden shopping veterans), and lost souls like me. If you do find something you wish to purchase, you must prepare for mortal combat with competitors to find the box containing the desired item that doesn't have any missing pieces.
Arriving back at the parking lot, you discovered that you did not take note of where you parked your car. You end up walking through multiple aisles of cars looking for yours. As you walk, 2 or 3 cars are tailing you hoping to acquire your parking space. You wasted 20 minutes before you…
