HUMOR

It was saved by a secret only women know about

Image by Inna Nikitas from Pixabay

There is one thing about night lights that annoy the heck out of me. They shine their light only on the floor or on the wall outlet that they are plugged into. They work well if you only want to see about 1 foot from the wall outlet; beyond that, you will be stumbling and banging your knees on things because you can’t see. My toes are all gnarly looking from being fractured over decades of stubbing them on different parts of furniture. I have to walk in the dark sideways like some damn crab to protect my little piggies!


LIFE

Picking up the pieces of my life

Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash

The year 2020 was a terrible year for everyone in the United States due to the Covid-19 epidemic. It was made worst for my family and me because right after Thanksgiving, we received a call from the property management company of our home rental that our property will be listed for sale by the owner. The owner wanted to cash in on the seller’s market, which is trending up in real estate value due to the lower interest mortgage rates on home loans. The owner said that we were outstanding tenants and that…


HUMOR

A feature nobody requested

Image by Nam Nguyen from Pixabay

Technology is improving all the time and is helping make our lives better and more manageable. I feel that not all technological advances are necessary and some are not as useful as it seems. Some technology is all bells and whistles and pretty lights and of no value.

Here is one example, Garmin announced that it is adding a new feature to its fitness tracker smartwatch. This new feature will allow your watch to monitor the course of your pregnancy as you progress in this joyful endeavor of creating new life.

Your Garmin will display your baby’s progress as text…


HUMOR

The seasonal outbreak arrives

Image by Couleur from Pixabay

There is a plant vine that appears in farmlands across America every year at this time. The vine’s fruit is insidious because it is highly addictive to a significant portion of our society. This fruit infests our food, drink, cosmetics, and, is used for decoration.

The fruit of this nefarious vine comes in every shape, color — or multicolor — and size. These variations ensure that this fruit will attract and please most humans. I sometimes think that it may have come from outer space! We humans have given this fruit a strange name. We call them “pumpkins.”

These pumpkins…


Post Election 2020

I worried that people would think I’m supporting Trump

Image by Lenny Rogers from Pixabay jpg

The days following the news media announcement that Joe Biden has won the Presidential election, 2/3rd of the country broke out in jubilation while 1/3 became furious. Trump announced that they stole re-election from him because of massive fraud by the Democrats — in spite of no actual evidence.

Trump supporters assembled at the election centers in the states that were still legally counting the votes to protest and create chaos. They brought along with them their hate, false accusations, guns, and American flags — a lot of flags. Somehow, during his time in office, our flag came to be…


I always get what I paid for

Image by Crystal Chen from Pixabay

People have always complained about vending machines taking their money and not receiving their selected product. Untold millions have been victimized by vending machines since these diabolical machines were installed to mentally unbalance humankind around the world.

I have always been able to receive the product I selected and paid for. It requires using physicality upon the offending machine that would be against the Geneva Convention if it had applied to machines.

Then the unthinkable happened. The Carvana Company came out with a new car vending machine. These machines are now in at least five states. You have 32 selections…


HUMOR

She got real mad

Photo image by Author

I spent my teenage years in the Throgsneck section of the Bronx in New York. It was a neighborhood of mostly Italians with the business section full of Italian delis, restaurants, and ice cream parlors. My parent’s house was surrounded by Italian neighbors who love having block parties all the time.

Twice a year, the organizers would obtain a block party permit, and the cops would close off both ends of the street for the all-day party. In front of each house, paper tablecloths covered tables, and chairs would appear; the tables would soon be ladened with never-ending pans, plates…


HUMOR

I’m gonna need some more

Image by skeeze from Pixabay

When I was a young man of seventeen, I was hired by Horn & Hardart as a part-timer. Horn & Hardart, for those people not familiar with the company, is the first fast-food Automat restaurant in the United States; they first opened in 1912. The company was unique in the way food was purchased and served to the customer. See the customer user instruction image below:


HUMOR

There is more not fun to come

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This year has undoubtedly turned out to be a year of extreme challenges for Americans. We have been confronted with a pandemic resulting in 180,000 deaths due to COVID-19, with forty-one million people out of work, close to 40 million people will be evicted from their homes by the end of September. Twenty-seven million people have already lost their medical insurance coverage due to their loss of ability to pay for premiums.

Extreme weather conditions have hit all the states in the union. Mental health problems have steadily increased as the pandemic continues. The inability to feed families is also…


SATIRE

There will be consequences

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Thanks to a story by Medium writer- Holly Jahangiri, I was shocked to find that a lot of my fellow writer’s stories and publications have been scraped from the Medium platform and posted on a website called ichi.pro as a collection of stories with the original copyright owners deleted. My stories are included. Our stories were stolen and used without attribution or credit. I passed along this info to my writer friends on Medium and collectively; I and scores of writers have reported a copyright infringement to Medium via copyright@medium.com and the ichi.pro hosting company site, namecheap.com. The ichi.pro …

Hank Eng

Retired from the Aerospace Industry. I write Satire, Humor, and Funny stories about the absurd things in life. medium.com/metaphorically

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